What does PRIDE mean to me?
Until recently, I never truly understood the privilege it is to identify as an openly gay man in NYC, especially as each year’s PRIDE month approached. As a Black young gay man, finding a safe space to openly celebrate my identity was difficult. I often felt alone and unsafe. Society shamed, teased, and judged me for my gender expression and my attraction to the same sex. The way that I express love did not fit with mainstream American culture and social norms.
For years, I found myself eager to attend NYC’s PRIDE celebration. As a young person, it was the only opportunity I had to fully express myself with my LGBTQ+ community. This is the meaning of PRIDE. The celebration gives us the freedom to practice love, respect, and acceptance without the very real fear of rejection or violence. PRIDE helped me to understand how trapped I had felt during my teen years. Truth is, sometimes you never know how trapped you are, until you experience freedom!
Since I was 16 years old, PRIDE has been a safe space to celebrate my past, present, and future. PRIDE is so much more than an itinerary of drag shows, parades of rainbow flags, and overpacked bars. For me, it represents the out loud celebration of allyship, equality, sex positivity, and love. PRIDE is not perfect. The tradition often centers whiteness and dismisses the major role the Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming (TGNC) community played during the gay liberation movement. To me, PRIDE will always be the first celebration where I felt validated, and I saw other queer people be themselves.
When I show up with pride to PRIDE, I celebrate all those who came before me, such as Bayard Rustin, Crystal LaBeija, Audre Lorde, and Marsha P. Johnson. I remember the over 36 million souls that have died globally due to HIV/AIDS. I stand with all my queer brothers and sisters that have been bullied and lost their battles to mental illness. As Maya Angelou, poet and civil rights activist, once said, “I come as one, but I stand as ten thousand.”
As I continue to mature and reflect on my experience, it’s clear that being a Black gay man who openly loves other Black gay men is revolutionary. Growing up, I did not see images of Black men sharing affection, vulnerability, and desire. Simply being my true self out loud can be an intervention to oppression. It can be the disruption to shame. Lastly, it can be liberation for courage and love. Showing up as all of who I am with love and respect is exactly what PRIDE means to me.
Based in NY, Kalvin C. Leveille Jr. has served as an award-winning Public Health Professional and HIV/AIDS Advocate for over 14 years. In 2019, he joined the New York State Department of Health’s AIDS Institute as a Health Program Coordinator in the Office of Drug User Health. His current focus is leading a statewide response to the crystal meth crisis that continues to burden Black same gender loving (SGL) men. In 2018, Kalvin earned a master’s in Healthcare Administration from Columbia University. He is currently pursuing his second master’s from CUNY’s Hunter College in Mental Health Counseling. He has also been featured in many local and national public health media campaigns.